Emotions swirl around my ears. It’s a deafening pitch. No one hears it but me. As much as I wish it was tandem, this is a solo ride. I have to be brave and step out of the plane because the alternative would eventually bring me crashing to the ground; the metal fuselage is kept together with duct tape, for God’s sake. How does it even make it up to 16,000 feet? The odds are stacked against it. You would assume it’s because of the pilot- he is competent, right? No… he is inexperienced with no guts and no gifts. The ground crew does their best and somehow the broken plane with the ego-charged little man ascends above the horizon, a bit higher each day.
The man celebrates the wind as if it was he alone who owns it and spends thousands, parading his small cock around those he knows to be bigger than him. They tolerate his stories because he pays for the parties and the wine and the whores. He submits to the cancer because they know his secrets. What he doesn’t know is that I know them too.
Free falling…are you ready?
The air, full-blast in my face, like a laughing bully- “you want a piece of this…really?”
The wormy pilot is indifferent to the decision I make. After all, if I jump, there is more room for his ego.
Off I go. I feel the pressure hitting my leg as I step out. It wants to bend backward but I hold firm. I am surprised by my strength. I lift off the step and down, down, down I plummet. My heart is on fire. I forget how to breathe. How does this end? Where is the cord that saves me?
Squinting tightly, I remind myself to open my eyes. I see it now. The closer I get to the ground, the less I fear the fall. Pale pink rock faces and deciduous trees, golden in color. Grass, textured, shaded a velvet sheen. A Winding creek with branches floating in its stream. The temperature shifts warm and the sun, casting the light in a honey glow. I am slowing down.
Calming now, I know. There is no jump without the fear and freedom can be found in the fall. Trust the parachute and make friends with the wind. Very soon my feet will meet the ground and the purpose of my decision will be known.